Pagan Parents and Kids

Newsletter for Pagan Families

Lauren Foster-MacLeod of Ottawa used to write a column, Family Living, for the American magazine, PanGaia (available at large newsstands). She is now editing a newsletter for those same publishers, called Blessed Bee, and this is a must for all Pagan parents. It's available by subscription only, 4 times a year, for $18 U.S., from:

Blessed Bee, Inc.
Box 641
Pt. Arena, CA 95468

Books for Kids

Here are some books that have come to our attention lately and which you might like to have a look at. Please send us other titles to add to the list.

Note:- The PFPC is listing suggested titles, not necessary endorsing content. You as a parent have to determine a book's suitability for your children.

Lauren Foster-MacLeod (see item on Blessed Be above) recommends:

WiccaCraft for Families, by Margie McArthur, Phoenix Publishing, 20465 Douglas Cresc., #276, Langley, B.C., V3A 4B6.
Karen Leroux says, "This book is an imcomparable reference book. The author covers the sabbats and different family-oriented ways of celebration, Rites of Passage, as well as an incredible list of suggested readings and resources. She has many interesting crafts, recipes and ideas that help to reinforce a Pagan lifestyle. The book is entertaining and easy to follow. I thoroughly recommend including it in your list of books for Pagan parents."

Pagan Parenting: A View from the Inside

by Karen Leroux for PFPC

Parenting — is there a more difficult job out there? Add to the level of difficulty, adherence to a Pagan path and the meter shoots off the page! But, strangely enough, this monumental task brings far more joy than tears.

Unlike the mainstream faiths, we don't have institutionalized religious instruction. This is a true blessing. Nobody knows a child better than a parent. A parent can tell simply by body language when a young one's attention span has been taxed or when there are just too many thoughts racing around their minds.

Schools, churches and synagogues have set class time plans based what adults feel should be taught and what time frame is to be allowed. It is the old story of forcing the little round pegs into uniformly square holes. As parents, we all are painfully aware that many of our kids have the gross attention span of the average gnat. The powers that be, governing our children's lives have forgotten this very simple fact. The incredible number of children being diagnosed as ADD or ADHD bears this out. But that belongs to another article!

Instructing our kids can be such a fun and rewarding time for all concerned. Kids love to create — paint, clay, wood shapes or a wreath. A hike and little picnic in a neighbourhood greenspace is always a terrific treat for them and also a perfect opportunity to observe the cycle of life and the importance of responsibility to the earth. Permission to stay up after normal bedtime, just to look at the moon and stars. A small garden, all their own, if space allows and even in an apartment a "kitchen garden" with herbs or spices can be a learning tool without parallel. Creating storybooks using the Sabbats as a focal point are real keepsakes. Don't forget the kitchen! Cookies shaped into runic symbols or the sun and moon, then appropriately decorated. For those parents, a little more adept in the kitchen — bread, braided and shaped into the Wheel! The possibilities and methods are endless, with a little imagination.

You will find a child learns far more when they don't think they are being formally taught! Any craft or pastime can be related back to a Pagan lifestyle.

Having your children participate in rituals is such a fulfilling and joyful experience, but a word or two of extreme caution is necessary here. While we are, theoretically, protected by the Charter of Human Rights and Freedoms, acceptance or tolerance cannot be legislated. Children repeat everything and a simple ritual, after the rumour mill has finished with it, can take on dark and ominous qualities which end up portraying a simple and joyful Beltaine celebration into an event completely unrecognizable from the original. Personally, I don't feel ritual participation by children should be attempted prior to their teen years, late teen years.

Many people would be unpleasantly shocked at the real level of tolerance toward Pagan faith. It is, of course, based on ignorance, but it is not your duty to educate the community. It is, however, your duty to protect, at all costs, the safety and well-being of your children. You help no one by forcing a martyr's mantle onto yourself or your children. In fact, your children can be irreparably damaged by the experience. Leave the public education to others. If this means practicing in the broom closet for a few more years, then so mote it be. I resided within that closet for over 18 years and it has not done me any harm.

Where you live plays a major role — the larger the community, the easier it is to practice relatively freely. Suburbs are notoriously close-minded places, in spite of the claims from most of them. Even though many of the parents came of age in the 60's and 70's — times where the philosophy was tolerance and acceptance of everything — this line of thinking miraculously disappears from the psyche when there is a perceived threat to the family. We can't change this, we must simply learn to adapt and protect our own families. The time will come, Goddess willing, when we, too, can practice our own paths in freedom.

Winter Wonderland With Your Kids

by Karen Leroux

Winter is here! Are those groans? Are you filled with visions of shovels, snow tires and chilblains? Are you really that old at heart? Nah, you have just forgotten how much fun winter can be!

Time to reclaim that inner child. This is a wonderful time to share your little ones' childhood. Forget the aching back and the frozen car-door locks; take a minute to think back to your own wonder years. It wasn't all that long ago, you know.

There are so many ways to develop those much-needed lines of communication with your kids and it's never too late. Winter offers so many opportunities to us, in our role of parents, to nurture our kids' creative side, to ensure they don't lose that sense of wonderment at the incredible mystery and beauty of nature in all Her guises, especially winter.

Start slowly — regaining that inner child may be too much of a shock for some of us couch potatoes. A special treat for the young and even for the teens is to take some "special" time with them, and what could possibly better set the tone than a night walk with large, fluffy snowflakes swirling around. Even the concrete jungles of our Canadian cities take on a magical air on this type of night and is easy on the older, more mature skeletal scutrues out there. the little ones can be shown the individual beauty of the snowflakes, each different but when blanketing the earth they create a wonderful united and protective blanket. You can use this analogy to explain the absolute necessity of being an individual yet also being a part of a multicultural society. Each snowflake is as beautiful as the next, even though it is, in appearance, different from its brothers and sisters. So it is, in life. This is also a valuable lesson for your older children and yourself. As our kids grow, it'' important to allow them to be individuals. We may not particularly like their expressions of individuality, but it is so very important for them. Remember that even though they are growing away, becoming individuals, they will always be a part of your own family winter blanket.

Who can't be awed by the moonlight glittering on the snow? It creates such magic in the air! — fostering images of Ice Queens and Snow Kings. Go out on such an evening, encourage the children to come up with stories relating to the snow. If you have a backyard or are near a park, create a small castle for these magical beings to live in. If you are ambitious, create a larger castle with the children and let them role-play as winter royalty. This is a good time to equate the life cycle of people to the Wheel. It's an excellent opportunity to help alleviate the fear children have to death due to the influences of society and the media, explaining how death is simply the turning of a page in a large book or the change of a season. It isn't an end; it is the beginning of a new part of us. As your child's parent, you are the best judge of when this type of discussion is appropriate.

The winter season holds so many opportunities for parents, not just Pagan parents but all the moms and dads out there. It is simply a matter of putting things into perspective. Yes, ther are worries, bills, job woes, but the most important part of your lives is your role as parent. the bills, job woes and worries will always be there, believe me...but your children grow so incredibly quickly that it's imperative to grab each minute you can to share with them, laugh with them, and just generally have a blast. Don't you remember the fun of a toboggan ride, especially at night, followed by some hot chocolate with marshmallows? It costs nothing, yet will be remembered by your kids for the rest of their lives. This they will recall, not the toys or video games you bought, but that precious time you spent with them, just having fun. I have often talked with my kids and the most treasured times for them have been just those occasions. They don't recall the Nintendo system with fond memories; they do remember the laughter when mom's butt made contact with a particularly large mogol on the tobogganing hill. there are also the memories of the walks, in the quiet of the night, looking at the snow glittering, talking about life, school and our spiritual path. No amount of money, no toy or new car can ever be held up against this time spent with your children.

Taking the time to talk to the children, spending time with them, also gives us the opportunity to share the wonder of being Pagan. This foundation is so very important as they head into their teenage years. Now that two of my boys are grown, they are able to tell me how the Rede and our beliefs made it easier in decision-making processes. The time spent establishing their sense of individuality made peer pressure less of an issue for them. While it was never easy being an individual, it has made them strong, ethical and moral adults. That isn't to say we didn't have our share of battles, but underneath those arguments was love and respect which only time shared could ever bring.

So look to the seasons, grab the opportunity to share in the wonderment of your children. Look into their faces and see the beauty of the Goddess through the eyes of your child.

What of the Boys?

Or Odin! Where are you?
By Karen Leroux

Violence, suicide, depression, drugs, alcoholism — these things are the modern plagues and the young male population seems to be most at risk.

Why are our young men dying? Why are they so ill, so terribly sad and confused?

We don't need a degree in Psychology to see and experience what our young men are enduring. They are a gender without true role models, without a clear path to adulthood. I do have a unique privilege, having been blessed with three beautiful male children, now grown. I grew up during the dawn of Feminism and the war for equality. I was sickened to watch that war, as all wars must do, became virulent, irrational and bulging with acrimony. It became like a cancer — eating everything in its way and seems to be succeeding in decimating a culture — the Male culture.

Equality does not mean assimilation. Gender equality should never be interpreted to include emasculation but it seems to be striving, hard, to achieve this. From forbidding male type play in the schoolyard to the education system itself — society is misinterpreting the definition of equality and attempting to turn boys into little girls. Boys and girls are NOT the same. Nurture has absolutely nothing to do with it. Consider the sickening numbers of young boys currently taking Ritalin — to "calm" them down in the classrooms. Far better to medicate than to take on the challenge of establishing an educational system which is inclusive of the male style of learning — more hands on; active and proactive learning. Forbidding a young male child to explore his warrior, hunter nature is a crime — a crime against our faith and all we believe. It is a crime against nature itself.

Rather than rail against society and examine all the inherent aspects of our destruction of the young male population — I have chosen to examine our own faith and how young men are received.

Throughout history there have been powerful male deities but they seem to be of less importance in many of the Pagan faiths. This is a modern phenomenon. Pan, Cerunnunos, Odin, Zeus — all of them were held in high esteem by the forebears of Pagan tradition. Why do we only give them a cursory nod of acknowledgment? The symbolism of the Great Rite isn't enough — by far.

As our community becomes established, as we mature and have families of our own — it is imperative to remember the male role in Paganism. The faith is based on balance — not simply light and dark but the male and female aspects. We desperately need to be inclusive of the menfolk — celebratory rituals of the male should be an integral part of Paganism. A coming of age ceremony for a young man allows him to accept his nature — to be proud of his gender as opposed to feeling guilty for subjugation of women. My menfolk had nothing to do with this. The bias against women was from another time, another era. Much like the inane babbling about the Inquisition and the Witch hunts from several centuries ago. We should never forget crimes against people, all people, under the guise of religion, race or creed but neither should we obsess over it.

Our young men must be permitted to have pride in themselves — in their history — in their Deities. They must never be made to feel like accessories in the faith. Male aspect is as important as the female/mother/maiden/crone aspect — without it; there is no balance. We are creating a mirror image of the Big Three — Christianity, Islam and Judaism — imbalance in favour of one sex over another, in things spiritual. This mirroring is more akin to petty revenge than to spirituality.

We need to help our young men acknowledge themselves. Their male characteristics are not anomalies that need to be "fixed", rather these fantastic differences should be celebrated and honoured. While we are the Mothers — they are the Fathers. Without them, and without us — there is no humanity. Nature created equality with respect and honour for the differences. Who are we to attempt a change to this wonderful balance? Forget the war against fur or Frankenstein foods — what we are perpetrating, against ourselves, is worse.

Gangsta Rap — the misogyny of many of the death/heavy metal genres are now principal role models for our young men. The rage, the frustration can be felt through the beat, through the lyrics. These are cries for help — an entire gender is being ignored and the news headlines scream the result. Let us give our men back their masculinity — allow them to be what they are, by nature. Give them back their pride, their dignity — acknowledge the Warrior, the Hunter, and the God.

G.I. Joe does not create a serial rapist. Allowing a boy to revel in aggressive sporting activities like hockey or football is permitting them to dig down to their true natures and mimic the roles they were created to fulfill. Forcing them into sedentary activities or homogenized versions of their sports and their games is useless and frustrating. The young males will become sedentary all right and indulge in violent video and computer games, i.e. Resident Evil and its cousins. These games become channels and access the aggressive nature of man to a far more dangerous degree than playing contact football or hockey. A young man involved in the pseudo-tribal war game activities of sports etc. is less likely to spend hours blowing the heads off the undead, police officers etc. Their natures become satisfied with the sport, and the games hold much less of an allure to them.

What are we offering boys through the path? A nauseatingly feminine faith and practice. Goddesses "au but" but precious little emphasis on the God — his strength, his courage, his virility. What of male rituals — we have so many women's circles, but few resources for men.

I have seen attempts at male-oriented Pagan newsletters and magazine, most of which are designed by women. Women cannot understand the nature of the man — we simply are not designed the same way; we do not think in the same way; we don't feel in the same manner.

A magazine or newsletter is great for women; we, as a rule, love to read and communicate. These are feminine traits. Men don't like to communicate; most are not that keen on reading, especially the material which women consume like mad. Forget flowery prose or imagery; subtlety will be missed — give 'em the facts. Give them hands-on ideas and motivational articles full of brief and forceful messages. The God is the God — he has no feminine side. He is powerful, forceful — he is everything the Goddess is not. Let the men embody the God — it is their destiny, not ours.

Festivals are replete with activities organized by women, planned from a feminine perspective. There is a need, a desperate need for male-oriented activities. A tribal ritual, with spears, much hooting, hollering and running amok? Active workshops on being male, on their heritage and virtues. Forget getting in touch with their fragile inner child — let them roar, let them wrestle, run and enjoy male camaraderie. Let 'em spit, let 'em burp…let 'em pass wind and giggle. Ok, I'm being facetious but underneath this is a spark of truth — let the boys be boys. Welcome them into the faith as equals, not children of a Lesser God.

Perhaps it takes a woman to begin the process considering the damage already done but that woman must be willing to hand the reins over to the men when the time comes. She can always mosey on over to one of the innumerable women's groups. Let the men have their "boys only" club — we have far too many "girls only" clubs as it is.

Most definitely, the menfolk have to start to take their spirituality in hand and do a little of the groundwork themselves, but women must allow them to do so without screaming about gender discrimination. Each and every time a man attempts to put together something for men, they are berated, accosted and threatened by a woman who seems to feel what is man's is hers and what is hers is her own. This doesn't exactly qualify as the "balance" we tout so much.

I have had the privilege, over the past couple of years, to review many books on Paganism/Witchcraft/ Parenting and the one common denominator in all of this is an almost concentrated effort to exclude the menfolk. I know of only one book in all the books I have read or reviewed that offered a guideline for a young man's coming of age ceremony and even it borrowed heavily from aboriginal culture as to make it native as opposed to Neo-Pagan.

Time to include our boys, our men. If these "Goddess" based rituals are available, then we can certainly call on our creativity to envision and make work, male ritual as well. Male-oriented naming ceremonies; a male coming of age; and sage ceremonies; it isn't only women who achieve milestones in their lives, so do the menfolk. I know these ceremonies are out there but rarely used and before it's too late and we create a perverted version of the Big 3, we have to look to the menfolk and fix what we have done. They have attempted to fix things for us in the workplace and at home; we have to fix what we have done over the past 40 years and not wait centuries to correct something that is obviously wrong.

Some Links

We list these links as a service. Use your judgment and common sense when accessing.

Pagan Kids' Corner
The Witches' Voice Presents Pagan Parenting
Covenant of Unitarian Universalist Pagans (CUUPS) Twin Cities — Scroll down to KIDS & FUN
http://www.paganparent.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/paganmotherscanada/
http://users3.ev1.net/~jwaldie/lgsmart.htm - Legal Smarts for Pagan Parents (American, but much of it applies).

Alternative Scouting
www.SpiralScouts.org

Home Schooling Links
http://barbooch.homestead.com/PaganHomeschool.html
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/P-H-S/ (A high-volume list with a screening process to get on, but one of the BEST resources/support groups there is out there.)
Witchlings: Pagan Homeschooling

http://www.gomilpitas.com/homeschooling/religion/pagan.htm
http://www.homestead.com/barbooch/PaganHomeschool.html
http://www.geocities.com/RainForest/Jungle/2055/SiteDirectory.html
http://www.paganparenting.net/information/homeschooling.html
http://www.womensjourneys.com/html/love_phsu.html

Let us know links you recommend

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